Your neigbor

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Gray Charnoe on November 25, 2009 at 3:41am

Hi Marlene Maile:
I'm going to try to respond, at least in part, to your proposed topic.

I don't think there ever is a 'should' about it.
One helps another person when one has the attention,
the willingness and the time to do so.
Sometimes we are concerned that if we help in one little way,
we will be asked to do more than we are willing to do
or can manage to do.
And quite often that is the case.
Sometimes what we are willing or able to do,
isn't really what a person needs most.
So, finding that fit takes an effort, a sensitivity.

Quite often we think we are helping someone else,
when in fact we are involved with them,
because there is an interdependent, mutual benefit,
or progression.
We may help someone who is a friend,
or someone we've never met.
But unless we have an excellent relationship with our subconscious,
we don't really know if we have some unfinished business,
some loose ends, some amends to make,
with someone else, say if there really is some form of reincarnation.

We don't really know why we do what we do,
or think what we think.
We need to get in touch with our motives if we can.
One way to begin to do that is through Zen meditation.

Some of us use the term 'unconditional',
as in unconditional love, unconditional giving.
I prefer to use the term 'skillful',
as in skillful giving.
Combining with anyone, for any reason, requires skill.
We need to learn to be skillful givers.

This might be an example of helping, but maybe not:

I go to a dialysis clinic with my husband, three days a week.
In addition to helping my husband,
and just being together, which is the most important reason for my being,
I go there to learn about other people:
nurses, staff, patients, if they are interested in sharing.

I am a quiet person (I like to write, I'm not a very verbal person),
and I find it takes a lot of energy to converse with people,
especially when I'm having to initiate the contact
(since patients must remain seated during treatment).
I challenge myself to be skillful in this situation.
I think of useful things to discuss, before I approach someone.
My husband and I bring papers, books, etc.,
that we consider useful and relevant, to share with others.
I don't want to go any further than that,
at least I don't think I do.

Everyone needs to know that there is a reason for their existence.
I want someone else to feel that they have a reason,
and I guess I want to feel that too.
I'm not sure why I do it, why I think about it, but I feel compelled.
Perhaps I am trying to create increased order in the universe,
by relating more to more, more extensively, more appropriately?
Maybe that's what it means to help someone
(or something, like plants and animals, the planet, etc.)

You asked a good question, it caused me to think.

Jennifer Gray Charnoe

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Permalink Reply by MarleneMaile on November 25, 2009 at 10:48am

Dear Jennifer.
Thank you so much for including yourself in this discussion. Many of the points you made were honest, and sincere and certainly bear some deep thinking. The only statement you made that I might have difference with, is that "we do not know why we think that way we do"
This is only my belief and I do not ask others to feel the same way, What I have learned in this life, is that if our actions in doing good are motivated on self gain and are not selfless and loving, we are barking up the wrong tree so to speak.
Thought is the most powerful force other then God in the world. We have a choice we can think Nobel thoughts or destructive ones, each one will yield its rewards or make us pay in full for the wrong done another.
The power of the right thought is in our hands, because we can change this wrong thinking. and put in its place the right idea and demonstrate that instead. It is maybe a challenge to do this but we are more then up to that challenge.
We seem to believe that this is all there is in life. All the wrongs that we see cause us to get filled with anger, and this paralyzes the thinking. And we then get caught up in fear
and before we can see the light of the situation we become part of it.
We can all do better in this area, and every day should try to see our fellow man in the right light. It is what type of consciousness that we are expressing that makes the difference in our lives. And hopefully it blesses all that we come in contact with.
Thank you again for your intelligent response.

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