Where have all the good manners gone

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Permalink Reply by Connie Achterberg on January 19, 2009 at 3:34pm

Dear Robin, you must be living in a large city.
We are so fortunate living in a rural area, and only go once or twice a week either to the village or a small city ( 100 Mile House, BC) for groceries. Even though we are newcomers, we find the people serving in the stores, and the customers too, very friendly.
That is why I can't understand why people say, when I explain that we are opening a seniors home here, that it is too rural, after all, we can still go to the city for a visit.
But, a large city is no excuse for bad manners.

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Permalink Reply by Zee on February 18, 2009 at 7:31am

Could it be possible that in the bigger centres there is such a wide diversified population who have all been raised with different levels of values and perhaps they don't understand North America's set of manners?

When I hold a door or do something nice for anyone and they don't even mumble a thank you, I say very firmly "your welcome". Some get it but so many don't get it still.

Whatever happened to "when in Turkey do as the Turks do" or is that very politically impolite? My values as a child were set by that expression it covered many aspects of manners, even just visiting someone else's house. I treated it like their house, not my house. When I go to a foreign country I try to understand their ways and even if I can't speak their language I will try to learn. I'm pretty good talking with my hands and/or getting something across. I try and I'm polite. It is their country.

Not only are manners/consideration of others missing but there are so many slobs around today. Yes even WASP ones, there the problem is most likely that their parents never provided them with the tools to interact with other humans.

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Permalink Reply by Karen on February 18, 2009 at 8:51am

KC, service is everything, and today, it's all about service. I do wish someone would tell the girl at the little local grocery store to be more friendly. But then, she's likely overworkded as you always have to interrupt her from stocking the shelves in order to pay for something.

But here's a little example of how times have changed. Yesterday my husband met with a representative of the company he works for for the first time. When she was ready to leave, he held her coat for her. He says she actually raised her eyebrows at him, for trying to help. I told him he should have just told her he had been well trained.....by me ;)

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Permalink Reply by Annette Tilden on February 18, 2009 at 10:36am

Don't despair, Folks. Although few and far between, manners have not totally vanished. Twice recently, in the heart of Toronto and not in the best of neighbourhoods, a young man has not only given me his seat on the streetcar, but actively blocked others who would have raced me to it. And while I agree with gtadaizee that the diversity of population we have here causes us to face many different sets of manners, I must hasten to add that one of these young gentlemen was from a culture quite different than my own.
I also think both kc and Karen have added valid points. Feminism and the economy have both impacted negatively on the way we treat each other. Women's Libbers frequently scorn a gentlemanly gesture. And during boom times, we probably get too smug to be considerate of others. Only when things get tough do we learn to pull together. Back on the farm when I was little, we had a team of horses who got very feisty during seasons when they were not called upon to work. When they acted up, my grandfather would say, "Too much prosperity."

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Permalink Reply by Zee on February 19, 2009 at 8:03am

I agree re service but I have always made my decisions/choices based on service and attitude. Its all about interest and not just selling.

Same as manners I was saying to someone last year "Does God not hand out common sense anymore?" The answer I got was probably THE best answer. "He does, its just under developed in a lot of people!"

I think you could go around the world with manners and common sense and make do.

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Permalink Reply by Brandt Carter on February 21, 2009 at 4:21pm

I, to a point still think that I am pre-historic. However I have refused to be claimed by what I term as the "me" attitude. I hold the door open for any one who is following, and stand up when my wife is leaving and returns to the table in a restaurant. I do this not to draw attention to myself, but simply because I consider it good manners and generally respectful. And I will be damed if I am going to let my attitude be changed by people who don't appreciate my gesture of respect because THEY DON'T GET IT. It is as I have always found, that a robust good morning or thank you, in a small way makes me feel good about myself. Holding a door open for someone and an appreciative thank you if it is opened for you, I believe still goes a long way.

kj said:

I used to think manners had become prehistoric....but not any more....what i realized was that there's still lots of manners out there.....but only by the ones who were taught them.
I think some of our generation, forgot to pass them on to their children.
And Karen, you're right, SERVICE is every thing in the retail market these days .... if you weren't taught to be polite and courteous, retailers are going to drill it into you 'til you are.

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Permalink Reply by Robin Kilburn on February 22, 2009 at 1:57am

Yes we were taught manners and how to behave in public.I appreciate good manners and acknowledge them.
Yesterday my granddaughter and I were having supper at a fast food place, it had several families with small children, and some of those children were running around and screaming at the top of their lungs like it was in a play ground. This was not one of the places that has a play room for children, but you would have never know from the pandemonium going on.We were never allowed to talk back to our elders nor behave in an unruly manner or we would have been on the road to home no questions asked. I know fast food places are informal. but I know some restaurants that will not allow children under 18 because their parents will not control them

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Permalink Reply by Chris Short on October 23, 2009 at 12:05am

Family teaches basic manners. I was raised with my grandmother living in the same house as my parents and siblings. She brought her own manners and values to the household. Therefore, we kids were raised with 2 generations and had to accept the boundries of each. My brother also alludes to the fact that we had the trilogy laid on us too: church, school and home. Didn't hurt us!

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Permalink Reply by Carol Lawrence on November 27, 2009 at 3:45am

Hi Robin,

I'm with you there. We are living in an "anything goes society" . Well I do not take kindly to that and I don't care how long or how intimate I become with another "anything just does not go". I call it being rude and ignorant. You say you do not know what happened. I do.

Everyone is taking the easy way out, the children today are rude and lazy and would not go the extra mile they wait to be waited on. (Over indulged & emotionally starved)

I was on crutches for a while being a senior and having lost strength from this ordeal I went to the Mall. Those doors weigh a ton, never mind being on crutches trying to use their little rubber feet to hold the door while you wiggle through, well after this struggle I though it best to wait until others were entering and to slip in the door with them.

No one held the door. A little four year old came with her Mom she knew where the buttons were for those doors she entered and went to the button inside and pushed which held the door for me (bless her) Guess what? Yup, Mummy gave her a tongue lashing for doing that. She looked so sad when she looked back at me but I gave her a big thank you and the best smile I could. She knew what was right but Mom sure didn't.

Everyone is in such a rush--but for what-- I worked as a parent raising children and did not have my life in a turmoil over it nor were my children neglected and I had no car and traveled by public transit for 2.5 hours there and back daily.

I also know how that was accomplished. I did not park nightly in front of a TV nor did I spend hours with a phone hanging from my ear and then spend equal time on the internet. When I was home it was about teaching my children and spending quality time with them. To each there own I guess but from what I see there is not the necessities of being a nice person being planted into these youngsters and that starts early in their raising.

When I use to see children misbehaving outside, all that was needed to be said was " does your Mother know your doing that?" It use to be enough to deter them. I would be frightened to say that today, I might get stabbed.

Interesting topic. it is past the point of intervention. We will get the backlash very shortly I'm afraid.

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Permalink Reply by Sedona Blake on December 4, 2009 at 1:26pm

Yes, I believe people
some of them just do not want to
take the time or effort to be caring
and at least help others out

I meet some nasty ones
but then again, there is always
that very special person who
makes up for this

Namaste



Sedona :)

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Permalink Reply by Nellie on December 5, 2009 at 9:36am

I live in a big city. Two things happened to me the other day.

A man spat on a busy sidewalk right in front of me. I said thank you, now we all have Swine Flu.

A man helped me off the bus with my buggy full of groceries. I said thank you very much.

Sedona Blake said:

Yes, I believe people
some of them just do not want to
take the time or effort to be caring
and at least help others out

I meet some nasty ones
but then again, there is always
that very special person who
makes up for this

Namaste



Sedona :)

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Permalink Reply by Joe Wasylyk on January 21, 2010 at 6:36pm

I believe that a lot of this Youth culture of swearing, spitting and using attitude that belongs to thugs i.e. wearing gangster pants, is basically influenced by the extent of drug and alcohol usage, which in turn leads to a lot of cases of bullying, school-fighting and being suspended from school; then mixing in with society with the attitude that everybody is against me, and as a result people or property are going to be destroyed just to get even.

Joe Wasylyk
Seniorpreneur

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